Do not grow up
Grow in and out and all around.
Try every route until your skin bursts with lives
A mosaic of all your existences.
Remember when we were children,
The ceiling lived so far away
Hiding all of the things our spirits could not wait to taste.
Do not be afraid
To pour your body in as many directions as there are perspectives;
Leave a fingerprint on every surface,
a memory in every mind.
There is a world inside of you
With a view from every angle,
Adventure behind every blink.
Do not give up
The only way to know which place is yours,
Is to have dipped a toe
Into each and every one.
Hounds chase me down, whispering remember when’s.
Guilt runs a finger up my spine and I shape the memory of those words –
Words which stick and will not be forced into the open,
But my land still betrays the secret.
There is always half the battle left
‘Cause you’ve got a mind that could swallow up the sun.
When I was as lonely and as cold as the moon
You could always take me down.
Remember how I would crack my bones to accommodate you;
Let you sit within my ribcage for days.
Remember when I built you a shelter from my skin,
Remember how quickly I let you in.
Mountains sparkling with snow are so unforgiving up close
And all of our words are spoken. No matter how far I go
Shrapnel of you still resides in these wounds,
And we are just residue.
That pile of dirty clothes on the floor
You never bothered to move,
Getting home with a story to tell
But no one to tell it to,
Cooking a meal for one,
And still leaving half – for who?
Remembering to lock the door before bed,
Because now I’m the last to walk through.
Always, it’s the littlest things
Reminding me to miss you.
That couples who live together
For a while
Start to share a microbiome,
That so many of the little pieces
Can be matched up.
Well we’ve been living in and out
Of each other’s pockets
For a while.
The flowers in my mind
Have all grown in your direction,
They cannot be swayed by bad weather,
They reach for you when I wake.
And here is where you will find me –
A cluster of all the little pieces
Threaded through your being,
Our molecules interlocking tighter than our fingers do
Every time we have to say goodnight.
I was raised on life support.
I was taught
To paint silence onto my lips
And close my eyes to find a place unseen,
Never held up
Restrained on the edge of never-knowing.
Growing up on life support
You were always above, counting time
Sliding the planets on a string.
Even on slow burn, excess is poison.
Something lies beneath the skin of the mirror –
A promise that I will trip over all these tracks that you lay down,
Where punitive light leaves the bone exposed.
Time to breathe
Without you blowing air into my mouth,
Time to speak
Without your words falling out,
Time to find my feet
And learn to fall.
We were only echoes
In the dark,
But my mind has wrapped itself so many times
Around thoughts of you
That they have all turned to pearls.
You were throwaway words
In a getaway car,
But my heart has woven itself
Into a cage for your thoughts
And without them to fill it, I’m falling apart.
Coal into diamonds
Sand to a pearl
We are taught that to be pure
You must bow your head under the weight of the world,
But I would rather be raw
Than a polished product
Of another’s design.
I would rather be alive
Than fossil fuel.
I will always knock on walls
I will fight with all of the grains of me,
Not to harden in the wrong way.